he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
