what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
