I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
