so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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