Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
