I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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