We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize