I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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