Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize