What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
