wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
