I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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