We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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