saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize