i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
