whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
