It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
