we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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