Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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