I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
