Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
