He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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