I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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