Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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