Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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