well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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