i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
