Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
