I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
