Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
