My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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