i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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