based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
