JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
