90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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