Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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