Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
