I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
