woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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