part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There r osticjed everywhere
Less talking, more tequila
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
