I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize