I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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