I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
