i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
