She is in my trunk
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
