she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
