If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
