so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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