i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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