Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
