Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
