I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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