I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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