you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
