I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
