I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
