"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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