I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
