____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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