remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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