After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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