yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
