my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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