Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
