***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
