Already got asked if we're dating
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
