I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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