Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
