What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
