I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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