I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
