I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
